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Today im thinking too much,i find myself doing that in large amounts lately.Im waiting for the flowers to bloom so that i can remember life is beautiful.Rain drips outside my window and i cant seem to accept the things i have.I cant seem to find the positive in the people around me.Everytime i begin to feel a bit, im left with disatisfaction.I understand that the way i feel on a day to day basis is normal for many people,i just have a hard time accepting it.When will the time be,that i can look into myself and take control of my happiness,instead of dwelling on it.Im not going to lie,there are so many points where i feel as if ive just won the lottery,i really wish i felt this way everyday.

That place,where things arent this way.
Remember the days when we used to play in the sandbox?

Im running with my heart,feet blisterd,dripping of blood.I think i might turn around but im too far gone.Im spinning with confusion hoping things will steady themself soon,but ive come to the realization,i better stop running because its never going to change.I look ahead of me and see an empty dark alley way,sweat drips from my forhead but i cant stop jogging even if i tryed,ive got to get to the place ive been waiting for.I hear nothing but the panting of my own breath and the footsteps that follow it.Ive got to get to the place ive been waiting for,the place where Happiness floats through the air like autumn leaves,peace creeps in the creeses of the sidewalks and love is forever easy,ive got to get to that place.

A simple little letter.
A letter.

Your always a bomb, waiting to go off.Its easy to say you'll hardly make it in society someday.You cant look in the mirror because deep down you know your capable of being perfect, but the problem is, you dont have any idea how to do it.Infact you dont have any idea how to do anything, your not a triple threat, though youd kill to be, your not an angel though you know you should be, and your slowly turning into everything youve always never wanted to be., but than he reminds you that theres time to change,its not the last day of your life, theres always tomorrow. And for the first time in your life, you have a reason to take all of your faults and change them into positives, with just a little strategy.

Hes the only reason you cant find the strength to say" Fuck it"

Hoping for a slight weather change.
I wish every day i could feel as if the sun was shining my direction.

Im a bitch because i tell my feelings and thoughts way to much for the averege human to inhale. I have not one clue why i do this.Today nothing is going right, i feel as if i am ruining my beautiful relationship because of my willingness to be the opposite of his past relationships and take zero bullshit, are women supposed to act like a trained puppy when involved with a man? Im slightly confused on that one. Not to mention im living somewhere that doesnt belong to me, im abanded from the family i once was so close too. Things arent easy and i have no experiance on how to deal with these sorts of obstacles. I dont know whats right and whats real anymore,i dont know when to feel anymore and im wondering when it will all come clear that tomorrow might be a change of weather.

I wonder if God knows about this.

Explorations with a thing called trust.

"I can live without trust, right.?"

Im recently realizing that in life, The people you thought you trusted the most, can let you down the worst. Im jealous because i cant trust, im angry because i cant trust and however hard i may try, theres always a little something telling me, you can never be too sure. But my question is, why am i having such a hard time trusting even the most important people in my life when i have been in almost zero situations that give me a reason to not trust. To tell you the truth, i thought about it and it all comes down to fear, silly as it sounds, the worst thing that has ever happend to me was having my heart broken. Maybe i havnt experianced life as some would say. But i have experianced quit a bit. Trusting someone gives them an open to breaking my heart whoever it is, my parents,my boyfriend, even my friends, and , having my heartbroken is the last thing on my aggenda.So what should i do?They say you cant love without trust, but i love everyday. Is there a specific weekly class i can take in order to feel at ease with this issue?The questions go unanswerd because i have no idea how to let down a wall that has built itself so strong, and until i get rid of my fear, i dont think that wall is coming down anytime soon.Hopefully someday i'll be sprinkled with trust dust or something. Anything helps:)

Love kalie